Non ebbi esitazioni! Quante volte non vengono lesi dal suono e dalla luce? Dei sentimenti poi non parlo. It suddenly fell into the aforementioned state of stupor and allowed itself to be caught, wincing inertly. In the dining room that evening, we continued to chat about the Annina. Where would those animal experiments lead me? Even if I managed to verify in them a change of life that was consonant with their physical change - according to my theories - I would not end up advancing a great deal.
Only observing a change of the entire vital functions - a change that largely escapes instrumental verification - could help me. I did not hesitate! That same evening I would inject the Annina into my own veins. The liveliest hope was reborn in me. There are not many examples in medicine of subjective obser- vation, but there are some and they are quite strange. The famous Napolitano doctor with nephritis was one of the first advocates of the milk cure. From the beginning, he subjectively intuited its beneficial effect, and later he proved it by objectively verifying the decrease of albumin.
Now, more than any other method, could sub- jective experimentation provide a conclusive outcome verifying an intensity of life which, in my opinion, must primarily demonstrate a decrease in the vivacity of the senses and sentiments. Because, if the Annina demonstrated the efficacy I hoped for, it would decrease what I call attrition. Now, what is our greatest attrition that squan- ders our strength without us realizing it?
Our sense of perception is sometimes not enough - I recognize this - but it mainly errs for too much sensibility. How often is it ruined by sound or light? Thus I do not speak about sentiments. The excessive joys and the excessive anxieties of the mind decimate humanity. In my head I anticipated the effect the Annina would have on me. I figured that the Annina must become the drug for intellectu- als, not for textbooks.
I have already said how I believe in the neces- sity of a manifestly strong heart for brain performance. Ne adoperai una dose molto maggiore di quella usata pel coniglio che non mi parve abbastanza anninizzato. Devo confes- sarlo: Mettendo il liquido nel tubetto mi tremava la mano e il cuore mi batteva. Ma non seppi at tendere. Presi un foglio di carta, lo posi sul tavolo da notte assieme ad una matita per fissare subito sulla carta le osservazioni fatte. Una calma as- soluta e nel mio organismo. Mi sento agitato. Ore 10 e Ho paura di perdere i sensi. Not long after locking myself in my bedroom, I injected myself with the Annina.
I used a much larger dose than what I used on the rabbit, which did not seem to be anninized enough. I must confess that while I pulled the liquid into the syringe, my hand was trembling and my heart was beating wildly.
That courageous inventor who passed 2, volts through his heart in order to prove the harmlessness of alternating current, must have had similar feel- ings. Perhaps I should have acted more prudently by postponing the experiment until the following day and noting my discovery in the meantime, because one of my colleagues would experiment later. I put a piece of paper and pencil on the bedside table so I could immediately record my observations.
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There is an abso- lute clam in my organism. My pulse is eighty-four and is clear. The injection point on my arm burns. My temperature is I can count the heartbeats in my ear while resting on the pillow and I can determine that it is synchronized with the pulse.
An actual circulatory perturbation is excluded. A storm has erupted in my organism and seems to be surging.
To Serve an Alpha (Rough and Reluctant Breeding Erotica)
It began with a deafening noise inside my ears, so much so that it appeared to be external. At first, it was a burst, as if the air pressure outside exploded eight panes of glass in my bedroom with a single strike.
And now it continues, deafening and threatening, as if something enormously intricate were approaching. Watching the gas-flame next to my bed reflect motionless in the mirror was enough for me to understand that all the noise was inside me, and not external. I was terrified to remember the enormous dose of Annina I had injected. With a very lucid state of mind, I scolded myself.
Professor Arrigoni was right to describe me as such a quantitative thinker who would quickly measure an abyss by throwing myself in. Ricordo con terrore la dose enorme di Annina che mi sono iniettata.
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Mi faccio dei rimproveri con mente lucidissima. Che avessi la febbre? Voglio provare. Non arrivai a provare il polso. Ora am- monta a 66; 18 pulsazioni meno di iersera. Rileggo la descrizione fatta del malessere da cui fui colto iersera.
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Ma come completarla? Ricordo che prima mormorai: - Collasso! Non ricordo altro! Quando ritornai in me ero mutato del tutto. Polmone e cuore dovevano lavorare perfet- tamente. Sentivo ancora un certo peso alle gambe e mi parevano sempre lontane. Could I have a fever? I want to check.
I reread the de- scription of the malaise that took over me last night. How imperfect it is! But how to finish it? The terminology of medical science is too impoverished to be able to express my subjective impressions! My unease increased so much that I had to abandon the pencil; I stretched out on the bed and lost my senses. My lips no longer held back the saliva running down my cheeks, and I was suddenly aware that my respiration was short and precipitous. The bedroom seemed completely dark. Only a yellow plate reflected on my retina: the gas-flame, from which no light irradiated and at which I think I must have stared unceasingly, because even now the poor, miserable thing remained imprinted on me, like it was before, cold and small, my only point of contact with the external world.
I was dying! Down there, my legs seemed distant, well outside of the bed, and were enormously heavy. I remember nothing else! This morning I realized I must have gone through a delirious attack, because the blankets and pillow were violently strewn about. When I returned to consciousness, everything had changed.
It seemed I had come out of a benign attack of pneumonia; the euphoria was absolute. The lungs and heart had to be working perfectly.
I felt neither my breath nor my heartbeat. Yet I felt a certain weight in my legs and they always seemed distant. That certainly meant a weakening of the senses. I must have smiled from the satisfaction of being so exactly right.
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